Bipolar disorder: Understanding it and Living with it

Bipolar disorder is often reduced to the idea of mood swings, but the reality is far more complex. Between depressive episodes, phases of euphoria or uncontrolled energy, and periods of stability, it is a cyclical condition that deeply affects daily life.

This introduction lays the groundwork: definition, mechanisms, variations, and nuance.

My Experience

After going through a complicated and confusing two-year period at 16, my life became a constant cycle of episodes where I no longer wanted to do anything — where I was no longer able to do anything. These alternated with moments where I functioned so well that I became extremely productive. And then there were periods where I was functioning too well. At 21, I went through a phase full of excess in every possible way and spent four weeks surviving on only three hours of sleep. I spent my time partying with friends while giving everything I had to my studies. I was never tired.

A few weeks earlier, I had discovered bipolar disorder, and it felt like a flash of illumination. Maybe this was the answer to all my questions — to all of my behaviors. After those four weeks, I inevitably crashed. I decided to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with bipolar type II. The diagnosis was a huge relief. Still, it took several years before I managed to stabilize. I was later re-diagnosed with type I after a manic episode and hospitalization.

Today, I’m fighting to stay on treatment — even though the episodes themselves push me to stop. This is a reality many people with bipolar disorder experience: stopping medication as soon as an episode begins. I struggle significantly to maintain employment due to what is known as rapid cycling (which I’ll discuss in a future article).

The Bipolar Cycle

Living with bipolar disorder means navigating emotional landscapes that shift in intensity and tempo. These shifts are not mood swings, but distinct episodes — periods where energy, sleep, emotions, and cognition change in recognizable patterns. Understanding these episodes helps bring meaning, predictability, and language to what may otherwise feel chaotic or confusing. Below, I explore each one in detail to better understand how they shape everyday life.

Testimonies from inside the episodes

This section brings together first-person accounts of bipolar episodes experienced from the inside. These are not clinical analyses, but raw descriptions of sensations, behaviors, and possible drifts as they are felt during mania, hypomania, mixed episodes, or depression. These testimonies aim to complement the explanatory articles by providing access to the subjective reality of these states, without romanticizing them.

What Are Rapid Cycles?

Bipolar disorder can manifest in different forms. One of them is rapid cycling. Rapid cycling is defined as experiencing at least four episodes within one year (depression and/or hypomania or mania). This form is more difficult to treat and can be highly disabling for the person living with it. In this article, I explain it in more detail and share my personal experience with rapid cycling.